alright, so i tricked you. because im so tricky, you see?
but anyhow, i am most certainly in the mood to vent and if for some reason you are still here, reading this, then well.... you're great.

so today, somebody canceled plans with me for the fourth time during winter break. and i didnt realize how messed up the other three times had been. but now that its the fourth time.... i realize that my feelings are hurt a little bit maybe. and umm ive also realized that for a long time ive had some friends who really arent that at all.

maybe thats not the case though? maybe i just have a strange perception of what a friend is. yes yes, that could very well be the problem here, right?? ................. you know, i dont think thats it actually. but you know when some people think theyve got it all right....and they just dont. but they cant see that about themselves? maybe thats the case for me. i mean, who am I to rule out that possibility?

i fall in love with everything. and dont worry im not crazy. (hehehe....well you know what i mean. i AM kind of on the crazy side, but who isnt) i dont mean that i fall in love (romantically) with everything... its just that everything i see .... seems so beautiful to me! its incredible to see THINGS! ....isnt it? i surely think so. oh god im getting way off topic. im sorry about that. what i meant was that.... i feel so much passion inside of me, even for the smallest things. little things that probably dont really mean anything significant, can change my entire day.

so imagine how i must feel about people. people i meet. again, not in a romantic way..but i fall in love with people so often. the word love is not to me what it is to some people.... and im sure im not the only one in the world who feels this way. to me, love is the feeling you get when you have a lot of ...something! building up inside of you! because whatever you are feeling is so strong.

when you feel that way, and romance becomes a part of it, i think that is something very different than love. something that there really isnt a word for. but for everything else..... theres master card. hehe im just kidding. for everything i was describing before romance, i think love is a word that can be used.

when i love someone, i consider them my friend.
i just wish people were always honest with me.
with everyone for that matter.
i wish i was always honest with everyone... and i know that sometimes i lie because im afraid of hurting someone.... and that just so stupid of me.. because... the truth always comes out in the end...and that really is the reality of things. so if i want people to be honest with me, i should probably start being completely honest with everyone all the time. but its tough.

maybe i just want everyone to just be nice.





you know......santa claus is watching you....... hahaha


and may i just apologize for not being able to neatly organize my thoughts for you to make any sense of anything going on in my brain... ?